Last few weeks of my undergraduate degree

I am currently in full on revision mode. Exams start in less than 2 weeks and with 2/3 of my year left in this exam period I can definitely say I am stressed. I didn't believe anyone when they said third year was tough, and now I do. The modules aren't much harder but there is so much more pressure, particularly when you are aiming for a first. I am trying to sort lots of different things out for September at the same time as revising and trying to get my head round seemingly impossible concepts. Well at least to me. But I thought I would come here to reflect on my experience now its coming to an end.

It feels weird that I am writing this as I remember writing a blog post about my expectations of my university experience. I can safely say it was completely different to what I expected. I have made great friends, and lost some great friends along the way. Had massive arguments with housemates the like of which I will not like to repeat ever in my life. I have had some really fun times and some really rubbish times over the last three years personally and academically. I have managed to gain some amazing work experience and have learnt so much about the subjects I chose to study as I a 17 year old. Unlike most people coming to the end of their degree, I still love the subjects I study (mostly).

I have discovered a lot about myself. I have realised I don't like going out to nightclubs that much, despite what I tried to convince myself back in first year, instead I would much rather go to a pub quiz with some good friends and just have a laugh. I have much more patience than I ever thought I did before hand, and will be polite to people even when they aren't being very nice to me. My drive and determination, and my school environment are not normal. Apparently university for most people is more stressful than A levels but I cannot say the same for myself.

A lot has happened over the few years whilst I have been on and off and on again on this blog. I have had family disasters, massive achievements and massive disappointments. But I need to remember over the next few weeks what I have learnt from those experiences and know that I can achieve what I want to from this degree.

A very weird 21st Birthday

First of all I would just like to say I am sorry for the fact I am really rubbish at posting and need to start a routine of writing blog posts otherwise it will just be the same old story of posting for a week and then forgetting and never getting into it. I really do love writing blog posts I'm just not very good at it.

Anyway, back to what I was planning on writing about today.

Last week was my 21st birthday. Most people would be celebrating being an adult with their friends and family. Instead I celebrated someone else's 21st and then went home and had cake with my mum and dad the weekend before. I spent my actual birthday working in London. It was my first birthday away from home and with no boyfriend or friends with me made it all the more difficult. I was surrounded by strangers who would say happy birthday with no meaning and then friends not even saying happy birthday themselves.

What made it strange was that I realised not many people in the world really truly care about others. Something you don't normally feel on your birthday. My boyfriend skyped me and all I could think was it didn't feel like my birthday because I wasn't celebrating it. Maybe its just getting older and it becomes less important, but to me its always felt like a special day when you celebrate your life with those that mean the most to you.

I was doing the opposite, I was alone in a massive city with no one other than my family, boyfriend and best friend saying happy birthday. It made me think that I am a really unlikable and horrible person. Particularly in this day and age where everyone wishes everyone else a happy birthday over facebook. Is it weird to be sad that only 5 people did that for me?

I really hope things get better become content with my special group of friends and I learn to enjoy my own company over the next month. My birthday showed me that I really need to make my own happiness a priority and not rely on others to make me feel happy.

If anyone has any advice about living in London it would be greatly appreciated.

How I got an amazing summer internship

Today I am going to write about something a little different. I found out a couple of months ago I got an internship of a lifetime to work at the Bank of England. Shocked doesn't quite describe the emotion I felt when I found out. Its something that I am excited about and I really hope it meets my expectations and I get a lot out of it.

It wasn't easy to get and it wasn't the only internship I applied for. I applied for about 20 internships, to be honest I lost count how many. I received many a telephone interview, video interview and a couple of assessment days but I eventually something which I think is pretty special. I am sure many of you will be wondering how I got it, and the truth is I don't really know some companies rejected me straight away without asking me to do any aptitude tests and others invited me to a telephone interview and then rejected me. Sometimes it felt like it was pot luck whether I was going to get a summer internship or not.

I would say one of the best advice I could give is put your all into every single application and don't expect anything from your first telephone or video interview but still try as hard as you can. I was rubbish on my first interview I had because I had no idea what to expect, I can write about myself, my skills and my achievements but I find it difficult and awkward to talk on about them over a phone to a person. The only thing I can say is do as much research as you can and be yourself and its the company loss if they reject you and not yours. Whatever you do DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!! Unless they accept you of course.

Video interviews are another thing entirely, dress smart (or what is going to be seen on camera at least) and find a plain-ish background, lean slightly forward and appear engaged. Don't worry about sounding like a posh pompous prick at times or making stupid expressions when you talk. Companies just want to know whether you are a good fit for them and whether you have the passion and drive to succeed in their line of business. They expect you to be nervous and I am sure they don't expect everyone to be used to talking to a camera, not everyone is a YouTuber, I certainly am not.

Once you have gone through the online tests which are usually centred around logic and simple arithmetic. You are normally invited to an assessment centre where there are even more tests and tasks for you to carry out. There will be a normally be a written report writing one, a group exercise and either a presentation by yourself or in a group. There could be an interview as well. Both interviews I had for internships were an hour long and they expected you to know a lot about the field you were applying for, so research research research! Also, there will be competency based questions where they will ask you about a time when you demonstrated a skill. If I am honest at times I twisted the truth a little when answering these questions, like how important a talk was, so nothing dramatic. What I found to be the most important thing in an interview was to build a rapport with the interviewer, this way it was easier in the interview as it put you both at ease. Also come up with some good questions either about the company and internship/job itself or issues that the industry as a whole are dealing with. As well showing your knowledge it also makes you seem interested in what they do.

I hope you found this entertaining and I will tell you as much as I can about the internship and about the daily grind of living in London.

My uni experience so far

I am not going to lie university has been an amazing but interesting experience. For me it can sometimes be a place where you are surrounded by thousands of people but have never felt so lonely in your entire life, and at the same time can be a place where you have the most fun in the entire world.

I wouldn't say I have had the most normal university experience as I met my boyfriend while we were living together, where I conveniently forgot the saying 'don't shit where you eat', lucky for me though it has worked out fine and I don't think I would have it any other way. It can get frustrating though when housemates treat you as the same person and we apparently can't have differing opinions. But recently its been great, he has been someone who has supported me through the good times and the bad and the added luxury of making it cheaper to live as we can do simple things like cooking together.

I have had some of the most fun ever here at university. From the time when my flat all watched a film together to our Christmas meals together which ended up playing shot twister. Then there has been times where I can't stand my housemates and even hearing breath irritates me, but I suppose you have to have the bad to appreciate the good in life.

The freedom and independence from my parents has been everything that I could wish for, I can cook when I'm hungry and I don't get questioned every time I leave the living room. No joke I have been questioned when I have gone to the toilet before at home. Sometimes, I do miss my parents and home but my mental health is better away from home as I have more control over my life and can do things I enjoy the most. I can have 'me' time where I get into my pjs at 8pm and watch films all night, and I can lie in on the weekends till 2 and no one will judge me (well apart from probably everyone who has just read).

But, despite all the extra stuff that comes with university I did come here to study. Studying maths and economics at a top British university was never going to be easy, but personally think I have flourished. I have learnt so much about the way I work, how others work and even how to write a proper essay and code but I have also discovered new skills that I will need for ever. The workload at times can be a little ridiculous at times, particularly when you don't understand a whole module which I had the joy of coping with this year, I could work everyday for 7 to 8 hours for a week and feel I have achieved nothing whereas other weeks I could work hardly at all and feel I have understood so much. I have to admit right now workload is a little ridiculous right now with exams coming up in a couple of weeks time, which is why I haven't written a blog post for a while. Sorry.

Putting all these aspects together I think university has been the best time of my life so far despite struggling from time to time and I just hope it gets better and better!!

Talk soon xx

I'm back!

Hi again,

I don't think I've posted on this blog for almost two years now but I thought I would start writing again as it used to help me. At first I thought I would start a new one but it's been good for me to look back at what I wrote so maybe it will be good for you too.

I should probably give you an update as to how life is. I'm absolutely loving university, it's been a crazy 18 months. I have met an amazing man who has helped me get through some of the most difficult times of my life which I promise to explain at some point. I wouldn't say university is easy I sometimes want to pack it all in and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this at times. Life at home is different and difficult.

I'm back because when I was writing blog posts last time it really helped to write down what I was thinking to clear my mind. Recently I have needed that as I don't want to burden others with my weird and sometimes not happy thoughts and this just seems a little less personal even if loved ones read it all. I really hope that doing this I can help others as much as me if not more.

I will try to post on here at least twice a week but I canny promise anything. Thank you for reading and see you soon

Getting ready for university

10 days to go!!!

So, I am going to be starting university very soon and I can safely say I am nervous, exciting and very very scared. Although, if you ask anyone else how I am coping they would say I am being very organised and seem to be looking forward to it. As my previous blog said I am scared I will feel I won't belong and be forgotten back at home, which I know is normal for every fresher, but, it makes me very anxious. I already feel like an outsider with my flatmates who I have found on Facebook they always seem so nice and happy, but whenever I write something in the group chat it seems that I am ending the conversation. I know that I am not great at conversations, but do they think I am a complete weirdo already. 

Freshers week scares me a bit too but not as much as fitting in does. Its just that I have no going out clothes because I don't go to clubs and stuff at home, but I want to try them out in freshers week. There is everything from a fancy dress party to an outdoor cinema planned and it seems like a lot of fun, and I can't wait to have some fun and smile. I haven't smiled for a while so it should be fun :D

Getting ready to leave for university has definitely not been very fun at all. It has involved a lot of washing and organising of books, photos and other memorabilia, and I haven't even started on packing clothes and toiletries, that's next week's job. One thing I am sure of is that I won't be wanting more stuff, my mum keeps on joking that I will be the most well equipped student in the whole university. But, I need a whisk just in case I want to make pancakes and I need a food blender just in case I want to make a smoothie or a soup. Its a little strange packing up my life in the next week. I know its not my whole life I still have friends who live at home and my parents still do too, its just most of my belongings will be coming with me and they will all have to fit into the boot of my mum's car. I really hope that I don't forget anything I am moving a six hour car journey away from home and its quite a trek back, plus I don't want the embarrassment of ringing up my parents and asking them to send something up by post.

I hope that university lives up to my expectations, I have been waiting for so long that I have formed so many ideas in my head of what it is going to be like. But the truth is, those ideas could be completely wrong. 

What does everyone else think about going to university for the first time? If you have already gone what have been your most memorable experiences? If anyone ever reads this it would be nice to read your thoughts on the subject below. I would love to be reassured that what I am feeling is normal.

Results day 2014

Sorry for not posting for a while, if anyone actually reads this blog. There isn't really an excuse I just didn't get round to posting even though I had already written them in draft form beford. I hope everything is ok with you.

As the title suggests I am going to be talking about my results day, which occured on the 14th August 2014. Well that day I can safely say changed my life forever. It seems that every results day changes my life forever and I never know which way it is going to change it. Last year crushed my confidence and caused a spiral of events which weren't great. The year before I started to believe in my academic ability, maybe too much and the year before that I couldn't quite believe my results and realised I could do anything I wanted to do with my results.

I have left you in suspense and for that I must apologise. This year I started to believe in myself again, so you can probably tell I was pleased with my results this time around. Here is what happened on the momentous day:

 I went and collected my results from my old school but I had to go away from everyone to look at the piece of paper that would change my life. When I finally looked I just punched the air with a ckencged fist and tried not to shout I did it. I know it sounds cheesy but is what really happened. Then I had to tell my mum and dad the good news, I walked home holding back tears and as soon as I walled in I let go. All I could was say was, 'I did it!' My mum thought there was something wrong, but I was the happiest I had been for a very long time.

So I probably tell you what I got. I got an A in both further maths and economics a level. I know they are just letters and I shouldn't care as much as I do, but they signal to me how much hope hard work I have put in and they show I have actually achieved something. I hope your results were what you are wanted abs you are happy with them, if you had results to collect. I know what it feels like when they aren't what you want, and if they aren't, don't dig yourself a hole and hide from the world because you are ashamed and feel stupid. Instead brush yourself off and figure out what you want to do next and try to move forward. I know that is easier said then done but it does get better. :)